The time has come - your elderly parent is starting to display signs of needing to transition from living alone in their home to assisted living.
You notice that they’re becoming overwhelmed by the daily flow of life. They mention to you that they’re exhausted from tasks that were not previously cumbersome and their ADLs (activities of daily living) are slipping. Keeping up with personal hygiene has specifically started to become a concern. There’s not as much food in the fridge and safe driving is starting to become questionable.
Here at Coastal Transitions, we counsel many adult children on the best way to kick off the big conversation with their parents. And you might be surprised by our number one bit of advice - rather than schedule an intervention-type conversation to first introduce the idea of moving, we advise our clients to casually drop suggestions in unrelated conversation.
What does this look like? Some call it breadcrumbing, others refer to it as peppering - basically, you subtly slip in questions or observations in the hopes that your parent will start to consider transitioning to an assisted living community without feeling confronted or pressured into it. This way, your parent will feel more comfortable with the decision because you have carefully worked it into a series of conversations instead of bringing it up out of nowhere. We have found over the years that this is a much more effective way to start the discussion.
This method helps to avoid resistance, since you’re giving them more time to think about this big life change rather than blindsiding them.
Here are some examples of ways in which you can phrase these “breadcrumbs”:
Mom, I noticed your grass hasn’t been mowed yet this week. Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to worry about taking care of your lawn? At an assisted living community, you don’t have to worry about the maintenance of the grounds.
I know you’ve never really liked to cook, Dad, and at a retirement community, they take care of all your meals every day - breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Wouldn’t it be so nice to not have to worry about grocery shopping, cooking, and doing the dishes?
Mom, I feel like you’re a little isolated here sometimes. Assisted living communities have a lot of social activity and people to spend time with! I know how much you enjoy having conversations over coffee.
Dad, imagine if you have an emergency and need help - at an assisted living community, all you have to do is push a button and a nurse will come right to your room. Imagine how nice it would be to have that kind of support.
And as always, we highly encourage you to start these conversations early so you’re not scrambling to find your parents a new place to live when they’re no longer able to care for themselves.
Additionally, make sure you are aware of any plans your parents made to pay for an assisted living facility - for example, do they have long-term care insurance? Talking about finances can be uncomfortable, but it’s vital that you’re looped in.
Do you have questions about initiating the conversation about transitioning to an assisted living community with your parents? We’re here to help. Contact us today at 207-569-3283 or email us at info@coastaltransitionsofmaine.com.